LETTER 18

[To his Wife.] Kidbrook, Aug. 11, 1821.

My dear Wife,

I was rather low on leaving London (partly owing to nervousness), and anxious to have some token for good before entering Kidbrook. I felt much earnestness, with godly fear, that I might not be found where I had no right to be, and I could not quite satisfy myself, unless I could perceive some access, or the Lord taking some notice of me, some way or other. In reading Job xxxvii. I cannot describe the sensation I felt, cleaving to the Lord with much watchfulness and humiliation, and a great sense of my weakness. I saw some beauty in these words - "Dost thou know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of him that is perfect in knowledge? How thy garments are warm when he quieteth the earth by the south wind?" Yet I did not get all I wanted. But when I carne to these words - "Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades?" [Job xxxviii. 31.] I could not help crying, No Lord, I cannot; I wish with all my heart I could but continually keep them while I live on earth! And with much joy the Lord visited me and meekened me under a souse of his love, and I went on quite satisfied that God was with me. I said, Lord, if I am to meet with vexation and disappointments, let thy good Spirit teach me how to bear it, and let it be seen that this is of thee by a discreet behaviour, which is so contrary to my nature. In this frame I put up many petitions, and found my heart filled with such composure and watchfulness as I cannot tell; nor did I forget you.

Yours &c. J. B.

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